Many of us struggle throughout our lives
because we want to be the best,
all the time.

The best wife,
the best mother,
the best daughter,
the best friend,
the best employee,
the best boss.

But we can't please everyone all the time,
and we can't be best at everything all the time.

Due to financial or emotional needs, sometimes our focus has to be our jobs
Other things will suffer: friends, family, and health efforts.
Other times, we will have a different focus.

I'm going to do the best I can today.
Tomorrow, I'll also do my best.
It will never be perfect,
but when we learn to stop demanding perfection of ourselves,
we will stop ourselves from being our own worst enemy.
We are all human.
We're all trying our best.

My struggle with food also involves this issue.
My mindset frequently is:
"I want it all, and I want it right now." 

Regarding everything in life ... including food...
We can have it all, just not all at once. 

We're all the same,
and

We're all different.

I've read many books and articles

by people who were fat and are now thin.

Now they want to tell us that 
they have the ANSWER
...they know the SECRET.

Their stories are very much the same....



They were fat.
Their bodies were uncomfortable, 
which limited their activities
They hated themselves.

Other people hated them.

They began eating (and/or exercising) differently.

They lost weight.

Their lives improved,
because =
their bodies were more comfortable
and they could engage in more activities.

They liked themselves,

Other people liked them.

What is different about each story
is the ANSWER and the SECRET.

Each of them found a "Diet"
which is a simple term
to define a specific way of eating

(with or without a specific plan of exercise).

They were able to incorporate that "Diet" into their lifestyle,

and as a result they lost weight. 


Whether or not they maintained is another issue
....
because the books or articles are usually written 
and published
soon after the initial weight-loss

and there's not a lot of opportunity for follow-up. 
I suspect that's a lot like the TV show,
The Biggest Loser,
those who maintain stay more visible,
while the majority of those who don't maintain sink from public view.

What is this ANSWER?
What is this SECRET?



According to these published authors...



It is
incorporating or eliminating specific foods, like:



Lots of protein and few carbs (plant based foods)
or 
primarily plant based foods, and little protein

or lots of meat, fish and chicken
or 
vegan

or 
only "real" food
or
 mostly pre-packaged processed diet meals
or
 only low-fat foods, either "balanced" or "low-carb"
or 
primarily high-fat fods, but low carb
or 
eaten raw,
or 
diet shakes or diet cookies or diet snack bars ... except for dinner

or
 eating only what your body tells you to eat

or 
etc. etc. etc.

or
eating more or less frequently, like


5 or 6 small meals each day

or 3 meals no snacks each day

or eating only when hungry
or fasting until dinner on alternate days

or fasting except for a 5 hour period every day

or skipping breakfast...or .....eating breakfast

or eating sparingly one day, and normally on alternate days
or snacking all day while skipping all meals
or etc. etc. etc.

or
control of the amounts of food eaten, like

tracking calories eaten
or using various methods to naturally limit calories
or weighing and measuring all food
or using food exchange lists
or limiting serving sizes – like to 1 plate only
or listening to your body
or etc. etc. etc. 


So….my conclusion is…..
We are all the same
and
We are all different.
Everything works for somebody.
Each of us just needs to do whatever works for us individually.


The mind is a powerful thing,
and so is the imagination
or our ability to visualize.

Research says that our minds don't truly know
the difference between things we imagine
and what we experience in reality,
which is why visualizing ourselves
as the successful persons we want to be
can be so helpful in getting us there.

No matter what our goals may be:
short-term, weight-loss, health and fitness,
or long-term, involving life in general,
there is power to envisioning ourselves
where we want to be.

It only takes a few minutes of our time,
but the effect is much longer lasting.
With a little daydreaming,
we can find ourselves more motivated to make
that goal a reality instead of just a dream.

It’s frequently difficult to please the people around us,
especially when those people are the ones that we love dearly.
Although Life is more than just pleasing others,
I've always found it difficult not to try to make other people happy,
even when it results in feeling like life has been drained from me.

For many years of my life,
I felt like I was never a good enough person,
never a good enough daughter,
never a good enough mother.

This is a problem shared by many people.
We often feel driven by the need for approval from those we love.
It is easy to allow the expectations of parents or spouses or children
or teachers or friends to control our lives.
Many adults are still trying to earn the approval
of unpleasable parents...
…or even unpleasable adult children.

There are many keys to success, but one key to failure
is to try to always please someone else.
It is impossible to do everything people want us to do.
If we don't know our own purpose,
we will always try to do too much,
and that causes stress, fatigue, and conflict.

In order to develop the inner resources
that are required for us to give to others,
we have to survive,
and to figure out how to make ourselves thrive.

It is important to always keep in mind that our goal in life
can't be to simply please others.
It is not a bad thing to do good things for the ones we love,
but our primary goal must be to figure out a way
to take care of ourselves.

Like in an airline emergency,
we have to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first,
in order to be able to help another person with theirs.

Here are some things that I've learned.

It’s okay to have my own thoughts and opinions. 
I don’t have to agree with the views of everyone else. 
This doesn’t mean I have to be in conflict with others over differing ideas. 
There’s a lot of value in the ability to “agree to disagree”, and
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
 
My feelings are important. 
It isn’t necessary to always downplay my feelings in deference to others. 
This doesn't mean that I ignore the feelings of others. 
It means that I have a right to my feelings, too. 
We often think of feelings as “good” or “bad”
when they just are what they are. 
 
There’s nothing wrong with allowing our own needs to be a priority. 
Sometimes we can think that we are weak to even have needs,
but that isn’t true. 
Having needs merely means that we’re human. 

Just because we recognize our needs
and try to find ways to meet them doesn’t  mean that we’re selfish. 
Some people are selfish with their needs,
but if a person has a strong tendency to please others,
that isn’t likely the case. 
 
It’s impossible to please everyone. 
I do my best to accept that and allow myself to be me. 
I am not responsible for other's expectations, their thoughts or their feelings.

It's sometimes worth considering,
that if others genuinely have unrealistic expectations of you
and take it out on you if you don’t meet them,
perhaps these aren’t healthy relationships. 
and it may be time to distance yourself from them.
 
We need to also consider
that we might perceive that others
have higher expectations of us than they actually do. 
People who are perfectionists,
and who have very high expectations of themselves,
sometimes believe that others expect the same of them
and that isn’t always the case.
 
Sometimes we may have worked so hard at pleasing others
that we aren’t even sure who we are. 
It's okay if it takes time for us to look inside
to see our own thoughts and feelings about things. 
 
It is important not to leave behind the person you are, 
or can become, for the sake of pleasing others. 
It isn’t a fair trade-off. 

Your thoughts, your needs and your feelings are important, too. 
There is no reason you have to ignore them in order to please others. 
Your weight-loss and maintenance efforts are going to take a lot from you.
Focusing on pleasing others can be a big distraction
and none of us needs that. 

Each of us is a special person in this world. 
Put your Focus on who you are and who you want to become.

So far this year, I've spent more time thinking
about what changes I might want to make in my dieting,
than in actually doing anything differently

Sometimes introspection can be a good thing.

Our lives are generated through thoughts.
Our thoughts create our lives
and therefore our thinking can change our lives.

Looking inside and considering one's own mental state
and consciousness, is being introspective.
Introspection is how people learn about themselves
by examining their own behaviors and opinions.

The brain is the most effective tool in any weight loss plan.
We need to get the correct information,
and empowerment to make the correct choices in our diets,
in order to lose weight or to maintain weight-loss.

It takes patience and time to make changes.
Thinking about things can be helpful,
but eventually, we will need to actually choose to do something
and to follow through with that behavior choice.